Bra Shopping With My Daughter

Stories about the need for female-only spaces

The following true story was written by a reader. If you have a personal story to share illustrating the need for female-only spaces please send it to us at : ma4women@proton.me.

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My daughter needed some new bras. Today I took her shopping at a store in the mall that sells only bras, panties, lingerie, etc….

Before we went in, I mentioned to her that she needed to be measured so we know the appropriate size. As a caveat, I said, but only by a woman. It’s really sad that I have to make this known so that she knows I have her back and will confront any issue for her, but that’s where we are.

Once inside, we ended up picking two different sizes to try on instead. It’s just weird now. My older two daughters have always been sized and assisted, but I’m afraid to even ask for help now.

Anyway, we go to the first dressing room and a young couple is being led back ahead of us. The young male sits on a bench that is sectioned off and in front of the dressing room, but still a part of the entrance. The female worker quickly says, oh no, you can’t sit there, you have to step out. That for me was encouraging.

All the other rooms were full, so she said we could go to the other dressing room. We walked over there and stepped into the front section where an employee would be. No one was there. As we were ready to turn to get help an unmistakable male voice asks if we need a room. I’m so caught off guard. I literally just saw a male get forcefully told to leave the front area and now this very obvious trans-identifying man is given free rein.

Let me describe him for you all. He was wearing hot pink flare leg yoga pants. The cotton was thin and he had a lot of cellulite showing through, which was odd for a man. He had a tight white tee on. He had his short hair bleached blonde and tied in pig tails that fell behind his ears. His pigtails couldn’t have been longer than an inch or two. His face was very male, with stubble. He wore lipstick. 

Anyway, I was so glad I hadn’t asked for sizing. I would have had to decline and I’m sure there would have been a scene, maybe some TERF name calling and a recording, I don’t know.

My daughter insisted on sharing my dressing room (I had one bra to try on). Her and I and my other two kids, shoved into a tiny dressing room. She typically doesn’t dress in front of me, but today she did. I think this man made her so on edge she didn’t want to be far from me, and I don’t blame her.  We both mouthed things in disbelief upon closing the door of the dressing room.

We talked about what happened when we left. She made a very good point. The normal looking guy that was kicked out could have said he was non-binary. How did the employee make the assumption that he wasn’t? And, she noted, how easy it is for any man to come into the private dressing room area. She was really uncomfortable.

I’m just sickened by this. This is the second time (different mall) that an obvious trans-identified man was working in the changing room area of this women’s lingerie store.  Needless to say, we won’t be returning.